Ladies and gentlemen, we will be taxiing for a few minutes, so please remain in your seat with your seat belt securely fastened* until the aircraft has arrived at the gate.
For those of you who call Denver/Rapid City/Washington D.C. home -- on behalf of the flight crew, welcome home. For you rootless transients who move every few years and don't really call anyplace home anymore -- um, you qualify for a free upgrade to United Economy Plus.
Portable electronic devices may now be turned on.
*The line about keeping seat belts fastened is probably the third-most-ignored instruction in the history of aviation. The top two:
#2: "Please take a moment to review the card in the seat pocket in front of you, which describes the safety features of this aircraft."
#1: "Maybe a hydrogen-filled blimp isn't such a good idea."
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Packing for Tokyo 101: Pop quiz, hotshot
No. 2 pencils only. You will have three hours to complete this section.
Step 1: Gather every item of clothing you own.
Step 2: Assign each item to one of the following categories:
1) Goodwill: I don't want this anymore. Why do I even own this?
2) Take on the plane: I'll need this within 30 days of arriving.
3) First shipment: I don't need this right away, but I'll need it within three months, I think.
4) Second shipment: I'll need this at some point in the next three years.
5) Storage: I want to keep this, but I don't need it in Japan.
Categories 1 and 2 are fairly easy. (You'll have access to laundry, if that helps -- you can pack for a week and then wash everything four times.)
Category 3 is pretty much everything else you wear day-to-day, so again, not too hard.
4 and 5 are the toughies. Putting the Patrick Roy jersey in category 5 was a no-brainer, but asking yourself what clothes you need for three years is asking what your foreseeable future will be, and who knows? Will I need an evening gown? A suit? The white go-go boots that make such a great Halloween costume when paired with this mod dress? If I take the boots, do I need to take the white lipstick too?
And then there are the more existential questions: What kind of person do I want to be for the next three years? Do I want to keep dressing like a quasi-professional, or should I just live in jeans and CafePress T-shirts? Do I need 8 pairs of black slacks? (In D.C., the answer is no -- you should have at least 10 pairs.) Do these pants look exactly like ones that Stacy has, and is it creepy to take over Stacy's job AND dress just like her? (Moot point, it turns out, because the pants don't fit, but it's still a good question.)
Finished? Good. Now repeat this process for EVERYTHING YOU OWN.
Step 1: Gather every item of clothing you own.
Step 2: Assign each item to one of the following categories:
1) Goodwill: I don't want this anymore. Why do I even own this?
2) Take on the plane: I'll need this within 30 days of arriving.
3) First shipment: I don't need this right away, but I'll need it within three months, I think.
4) Second shipment: I'll need this at some point in the next three years.
5) Storage: I want to keep this, but I don't need it in Japan.
Categories 1 and 2 are fairly easy. (You'll have access to laundry, if that helps -- you can pack for a week and then wash everything four times.)
Category 3 is pretty much everything else you wear day-to-day, so again, not too hard.
4 and 5 are the toughies. Putting the Patrick Roy jersey in category 5 was a no-brainer, but asking yourself what clothes you need for three years is asking what your foreseeable future will be, and who knows? Will I need an evening gown? A suit? The white go-go boots that make such a great Halloween costume when paired with this mod dress? If I take the boots, do I need to take the white lipstick too?
And then there are the more existential questions: What kind of person do I want to be for the next three years? Do I want to keep dressing like a quasi-professional, or should I just live in jeans and CafePress T-shirts? Do I need 8 pairs of black slacks? (In D.C., the answer is no -- you should have at least 10 pairs.) Do these pants look exactly like ones that Stacy has, and is it creepy to take over Stacy's job AND dress just like her? (Moot point, it turns out, because the pants don't fit, but it's still a good question.)
Finished? Good. Now repeat this process for EVERYTHING YOU OWN.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Sayonara D.C., konichiwa Tokyo!
FAQ questions about my impending move to Tokyo ...
I heard you're moving to Japan, is that true?
Um, yes, see above.
WHY??
Because it's freakin' TOKYO, that's why. Not good enough? OK, here goes: I love Tokyo. I've always wanted to be an expat. And the perks are great. In short -- this is a dream come true.
When?
Not sure of the exact dates yet, but most likely Nov. 9 is my get-on-the-plane date.
Why so fast?
I'm filling a vacant job in Tokyo; like any job, they'd like the new person to start as soon as possible. When you look at it that way, five weeks isn't unreasonable. But it IS a short amount of time to get everything together.
So you're still working for Stars & Stripes?
Yes
But didn't you have some fancy-schmancy job in D.C.?
Yep, I was the assistant managing editor. Still am, for a few more weeks. And it made me really unhappy. I enjoy editing; I don't enjoy writing evals and making schedules and sitting in meetings. I'm not suited to management -- I dread confrontation, I have no interest in being a mentor or a coach. I just want people to do the damn work, and do it well, and not have to play mind games to coax them to do that. At first I was excited about the AME job: "my name is on the masthead!" But I've come to realize that being on the masthead means exactly one thing: I get a lot of spam.
Did you get, like, demoted or something?
On an org chart, yes -- I took a job two pay levels below mine But they key difference is -- I asked for the new job, interviewed for it, sweated it out just like any other candidate. I wasn't pushed out. I pulled the rip cord and bailed out.
Are you selling your house?
Yes. Unless Brian says no. Let's say, 90 percent yes.
Why do you all care so much about my house? You want to buy it?
Are you taking your car?
Nope -- it would be useless in Japan, because they drive on the left. I'll sell it to Carfax before I go.
You must have a lot to pack, huh?
I have NOTHING to pack.
The good news is, the Army is handling that for me. They just show up, pack up everything, and take it away to be shipped.
The bad news is, the Army is handling that for me -- so there are sure to be a few snafus.
How long will you be there?
My contract is for three years. The general opinion is that's horibly unfair, but here's how it works: the military spends a lot of money to ship me overseas;in return, I have to agree to work off the debt. This is exactly how military academies work -- we give you four years of college free, you give us four years in uniform. It's also exactly how human traffickings rings work, except I was led to believe our way involves less prostiution.
So, within the first year, if I leave I have to reimburse the cost of my move, plus move myself back to the States. Between one and three years, the move costs are forgiven, but I have to pay for the return move. After three years, I can come home on their dime, or extend my stay.
Are you living on a base?
Thank GOD no -- what's the point of moving to Tokyo and then living exactly like you do at Minot AFB? I'll be in base housing for a while, but I should be able to move onto the economy soon.
I'll have access to the base commissaries and exchanges, and I can attend festivals there, shop, hang out with people who speak English.
Aren't you scared to live in Tokyo?
A little bit. I worry about not being able to communicate, and about getting lost. But I have lots of people there to help me, so no, not freaked. Mildly freaked.
Can I come visit you?
Of course! I'd love that. But give me a while -- I'll be living in an MWR hotel until I find an apartment, so that's not condiucive to guests. And I need to figure out the city myself first before I start playing tour guide. But then -- by all means, come see me!
I'll update this list as more come up.
I heard you're moving to Japan, is that true?
Um, yes, see above.
WHY??
Because it's freakin' TOKYO, that's why. Not good enough? OK, here goes: I love Tokyo. I've always wanted to be an expat. And the perks are great. In short -- this is a dream come true.
When?
Not sure of the exact dates yet, but most likely Nov. 9 is my get-on-the-plane date.
Why so fast?
I'm filling a vacant job in Tokyo; like any job, they'd like the new person to start as soon as possible. When you look at it that way, five weeks isn't unreasonable. But it IS a short amount of time to get everything together.
So you're still working for Stars & Stripes?
Yes
But didn't you have some fancy-schmancy job in D.C.?
Yep, I was the assistant managing editor. Still am, for a few more weeks. And it made me really unhappy. I enjoy editing; I don't enjoy writing evals and making schedules and sitting in meetings. I'm not suited to management -- I dread confrontation, I have no interest in being a mentor or a coach. I just want people to do the damn work, and do it well, and not have to play mind games to coax them to do that. At first I was excited about the AME job: "my name is on the masthead!" But I've come to realize that being on the masthead means exactly one thing: I get a lot of spam.
Did you get, like, demoted or something?
On an org chart, yes -- I took a job two pay levels below mine But they key difference is -- I asked for the new job, interviewed for it, sweated it out just like any other candidate. I wasn't pushed out. I pulled the rip cord and bailed out.
Are you selling your house?
Yes. Unless Brian says no. Let's say, 90 percent yes.
Why do you all care so much about my house? You want to buy it?
Are you taking your car?
Nope -- it would be useless in Japan, because they drive on the left. I'll sell it to Carfax before I go.
You must have a lot to pack, huh?
I have NOTHING to pack.
The good news is, the Army is handling that for me. They just show up, pack up everything, and take it away to be shipped.
The bad news is, the Army is handling that for me -- so there are sure to be a few snafus.
How long will you be there?
My contract is for three years. The general opinion is that's horibly unfair, but here's how it works: the military spends a lot of money to ship me overseas;in return, I have to agree to work off the debt. This is exactly how military academies work -- we give you four years of college free, you give us four years in uniform. It's also exactly how human traffickings rings work, except I was led to believe our way involves less prostiution.
So, within the first year, if I leave I have to reimburse the cost of my move, plus move myself back to the States. Between one and three years, the move costs are forgiven, but I have to pay for the return move. After three years, I can come home on their dime, or extend my stay.
Are you living on a base?
Thank GOD no -- what's the point of moving to Tokyo and then living exactly like you do at Minot AFB? I'll be in base housing for a while, but I should be able to move onto the economy soon.
I'll have access to the base commissaries and exchanges, and I can attend festivals there, shop, hang out with people who speak English.
Aren't you scared to live in Tokyo?
A little bit. I worry about not being able to communicate, and about getting lost. But I have lots of people there to help me, so no, not freaked. Mildly freaked.
Can I come visit you?
Of course! I'd love that. But give me a while -- I'll be living in an MWR hotel until I find an apartment, so that's not condiucive to guests. And I need to figure out the city myself first before I start playing tour guide. But then -- by all means, come see me!
I'll update this list as more come up.
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